My friend and I went to the mall the other day. I really didn't feel like going but I thought it would be better than going back to bed. I have been trying to push myself to do things because the more I stay home and isolate myself, the more anxious I get about doing things. Anyway, I'm glad I went because I ended up going to the book store and meeting this wonderful author. She was doing a book signing there for her two books. I bought one of her books titled Notes To My Son. Today I decided to start reading it and ended up reading the entire book. It is really a very good book. Bailey is a really excellent writer. The book is very poetic and original. I would recommend it to people that don't even have children because the book is very inspiring and enjoyable to read. It certainly lifted my spirits. So, if you are out at the book store, I highly recommend it!
This is a quote taken directly from the book
Some choices are more difficult
to make than seams imaginable---
Search for the compass pointing
you to the greater good and set sail,
Keeping your faith as a rudder,
Hope as your wind,
Belief as your anchor,
Peace and acceptance as your harbor.
Mom
Notes To My Son Before You Go
Vesna M. Bailey
Article about the book:
http://lfpress.ca/cgi-bin/publish.cgi?p=185360&x=articles&s=books
Places to buy the book:
Amazon Link
http://www.amazon.ca/Notes-My-Son-Before-You/dp/0978440803/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1225903437&sr=8-1
Chapters Link
http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/Notes-My-Son-Before-You-Vesna-Bailey/9780978440800-item.html?ref=Search+Books%3a+%2527Note+to+my+son+before+you+go%2527&sterm=Note+to+my+son+before+you+go+-+Books
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
feeling better
Aromatherapy Bath
1. I burned pure bergamont essential oil in a oil diffuser.
2. I added sea salt to the bath, along with some essential oil bubble bath.
3. I put an amethyst stone in the bath.
4. I listened to music I enjoy, while in the bath.
5. I burned a tea light in a Himalayan salt lamp.
There are some other things that I have been doing to help the recovery of my recent depressive episode. The one that has been the most significant is cutting down on the amount of cigarettes I smoke. I think smoking has a huge effect on the way I feel and so I would really like to quit altogether. There are many other good reasons to quit smoking anyway.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost
This is my favorite poem of all time. I think the reason I love this poem so much is because I can relate to it more than any other poem I have ever read. Unlike Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton, this poem is much more subtle in its explanation of severe depression. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton but their poetry is more blunt, since it is confessional poetry. Frost uses delicate metaphors to explain a very dark subject. The narrator is describing a lonely and quiet place away from the world, where he could just fall asleep in the snow and allow himself to die. He describes the snowy, dark forest as a beautiful place of eternal rest when he says: "the woods are lovely, dark and deep." But after allowing himself to exercise this thought of giving up on life he immediately realizes that he has things that he has not finished on the earthly plane, when he says: "But I have have promises to keep/ And miles to go before I sleep/ And miles to go before I sleep." The repetition of this last line is probably the most powerful technique used in this poem. It shows that the narrator needs to repeat this line to convince himself not to commit suicide. He is really in a state of mind to give up on his life but he also knows that there are people depending on him. This poem definitely alludes to the thought process of a suicidal, severely depressed individual.
Here is a website that contains a very large collection of Robert Frost poems.
http://www.ketzle.com/frost/
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost
This is my favorite poem of all time. I think the reason I love this poem so much is because I can relate to it more than any other poem I have ever read. Unlike Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton, this poem is much more subtle in its explanation of severe depression. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton but their poetry is more blunt, since it is confessional poetry. Frost uses delicate metaphors to explain a very dark subject. The narrator is describing a lonely and quiet place away from the world, where he could just fall asleep in the snow and allow himself to die. He describes the snowy, dark forest as a beautiful place of eternal rest when he says: "the woods are lovely, dark and deep." But after allowing himself to exercise this thought of giving up on life he immediately realizes that he has things that he has not finished on the earthly plane, when he says: "But I have have promises to keep/ And miles to go before I sleep/ And miles to go before I sleep." The repetition of this last line is probably the most powerful technique used in this poem. It shows that the narrator needs to repeat this line to convince himself not to commit suicide. He is really in a state of mind to give up on his life but he also knows that there are people depending on him. This poem definitely alludes to the thought process of a suicidal, severely depressed individual.
Here is a website that contains a very large collection of Robert Frost poems.
http://www.ketzle.com/frost/
no title
When you sleep for 30 hours straight, and then get up for three, only to get really tired again and go back to bed, it doesn't leave much time for keeping life in order. My apartment is a complete disaster. There are dishes piled up in the sink from a week ago, there is dirty laundry everywhere, the kitty litter needs to be changed. I can't believe I actually managed to take a shower and write in this blog. I don't know what I am going to do. My life is completely falling apart and it seems like I will never have the strength to pick up the pieces. My depression is the worst that it has been in over a year. The last time I got this severely depressed, I ended up in the hospital with slit wrists. I went to see my doctor on Thursday. He said that a lot of people with Bipolar disorder often are affected by SAD (Seasonal Affective disorder). He thinks that is why I am so depressed, so he increased my medication dosage. So far, I feel the same but it always take a week or two to start working. I am just going to keep holding on and pray that this ends. I am also going to really focus on cleaning my apartment. I think that a clean apartment might lift my spirits a little bit. Well at least it won't be stressing me out like it is right now. I just need to hold on.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Darkness
I woke up this morning and the first thought that came to my mind was, why does anyone bother getting out of bed in the morning? What is it that motivates anyone to get up and continue this endless charade? There are dishes in the sink that have been sitting there for days and my floor is covered in dirty laundry. What if I do get out of bed today and wash all of the dishes and all of the laundry and pay all of the bills in my over flowing mailbox? Do I get a door prize? Do I get to feel proud that I am finally making it in life? I am able to do something that other people just do without a thought. If I get up today and do those dishes will I suddenly be able to live somewhere above the ground? Will I get a backyard and a white picket fence? Will that psychology degree magically get me a career? Will that student loan be paid off? I know that I should get up and take a shower but every time I will my body to move I just don’t. I am overwhelmed by a sense of being trapped. I am struggling to free myself from the grip of some invisible hand that holds me down. This same invisible creature whispers in my ear words of despair and hopelessness. There is no reason to get out of bed today because you cannot handle the world. Go back to sleep and allow the darkness to envelope you. I do.
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