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When you sleep for 30 hours straight, and then get up for three, only to get really tired again and go back to bed, it doesn't leave much time for keeping life in order. My apartment is a complete disaster. There are dishes piled up in the sink from a week ago, there is dirty laundry everywhere, the kitty litter needs to be changed. I can't believe I actually managed to take a shower and write in this blog. I don't know what I am going to do. My life is completely falling apart and it seems like I will never have the strength to pick up the pieces. My depression is the worst that it has been in over a year. The last time I got this severely depressed, I ended up in the hospital with slit wrists. I went to see my doctor on Thursday. He said that a lot of people with Bipolar disorder often are affected by SAD (Seasonal Affective disorder). He thinks that is why I am so depressed, so he increased my medication dosage. So far, I feel the same but it always take a week or two to start working. I am just going to keep holding on and pray that this ends. I am also going to really focus on cleaning my apartment. I think that a clean apartment might lift my spirits a little bit. Well at least it won't be stressing me out like it is right now. I just need to hold on.